Generally I would say self improvement = good, with the idea that if there is something about yourself that you don't like then it's generally a good idea to change it in order to make your life better or happier in some way.  How about if you felt like there was something you needed to do in order to make your life better, but it's not something you particularly enjoy?

I don't like dating.  I'm not sure I enjoy meeting new people.  I don't NOT enjoy it, but I suppose I don't have a huge need to keep expanding my social circle.  No wait, sometimes, I don't enjoy it as an activity.  I've always thought of myself as shy, because I don't like talking to new people.  And others times, the whole "meeting people" routine feels fake to me.  Hi, my name is X, I do X for a living, I enjoy X, X, and X.  I don't like myself doing it because I feel like it's me who is the fake (and a cold hearted bitch, because honestly I don't really CARE).  Well, is that a dumb catch 22 or what, because obviously I'm not going to care until I get to know them, but if I don't put the effort in to get to know them, am I really going to care?

Before I wander off into even darker areas, then, is the idea that maybe I should try changing myself to get out there and get to know more people.  To make myself enjoy it?  It probably sounds bad like that....it sounds a whole hell of a lot better when I say something like "I'll push my comfort zone".   How do I enjoy meeting and make myself meet more people when I feel like it's both a chore and I don't want to do it frivolously?  Like, how do I be more social when I'm not so interested in the "I'll be your friend for tonight and after that I probably won't ever see you again" phenomenon?  Argh. Argh. Argh.

I feel a lot about this the same way I feel about doing chores.  The chores really need to get done, but I don't like doing them.

the last few days have been extremely low energy for me.  i had an upset stomach this weekend so i've been eating very lightly, and today was one of those "crash" days where i just went to bed for a few hours after i came home from work.  i'm slightly concerned because i have more crash days than i think are normal "just tired from work" things.  maybe i'm not getting enough protein despite iron supplements?  this is not the normal problem in an american diet, but i guess i'm quite lazy about cooking meat for just me, and the last few days have been all about soup and a cheese sandwich.  steak me, stat!

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On another food note, my coworker sent me one of those email forwards today referencing the fact that I've often stated I'd try anything food-wise as long as I knew it was prepared correctly.  I work with 2 vegetarians, one meat-a-tarian, and one omnivore as long as it's not too "icky".  I freaked them all out before with me beef soup made with actual beef bones, or tendon, or what have you that I find quite normal.  It's all fun and games when we joke around, but I couldn't help but me somewhat disconcerted when I read the forward:

"Would you eat this?"



    

 

     


Ok...for one thing...I'm not really sure that those are "goat lungs, dog liver, dog brain soup."  It looks a lot like some outdoor food stall place in China and while the silk worms, scorpions, beetles sound kind of familiarly exotic, I'm not really sure that the picture with the "dog liver" is anything but a picture of steamed vegetables and mushrooms.    Second, supposing everything IS what they say it is (which is HIGHLY suspect, doesn't that just look like normal beef noodle soup to you?) I really can't help but be offended at the "this food is so gross" attitude that's kind of implied in the pictures.  If you have good reason to not eat said foods "Vegetarian for health/animal cruelty reasons, dislike things due to taste/texture", fine. But if you're willing to eat say, a steak...is it that much grosser to eat tripe/tendon "mixed cow stew" on a  pure "OMG unusal food" basis?  Why would it be gross to eat horse meat if you are willing to eat a cow?  Also, if you're willing to eat meat at all...you don't have much of a moral ground to stand on to eat one animal over another.

Anyhow...I do get a bit riled up when things of one culture get presented like this.  Maybe it's more offensive because I happen to be Chinese, but still, some people out there have really limited palates.  And I feel sorry for them.

in the last 10 days i've run a half marathon and biked all the way around lake tahoe. 

so for awhile i felt like the queen of the world because if i can do that....i can do anything!

but i've also had a bad cold for a week now so people who have met me today or yesterday think i have a very deep, raspy, voice.  they probably think i'm a smoker!